Skitzo's on Crack!
by skitzofrenic
Summary: CRACKKKfics. you might want to go click somewhere else. if you value your IQ, please for me don't click here.
1. harry potter 7 unedited

**ssoo ffn deleted my old story THE REAL HARRY POTTER STORY, because they said it wasn't much of a story.  
i have to agree. it was just like 4 words long, so i'm changing it up a bit. might not be as funny, cus it's not as random, but TOO BAD! heehee  
review it and LIKE IT!**

**WHAT J.K. ROWLING REALLY WANTED TO WRITE IN HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS  
**

…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…

"I WILL KILL YOU ALL!" Voldemort said.

"no, you really aren't. don't make me call neville!" harry said back. EVERYONE was scared of the BAMF! (1)

"NNOOO! NOT THE BAMF! PPLLEEAASSEE!"

"i'm going to call him using my COOL FAKE GALLEON!"

"NNOOO."

"yes. i just said i was going to. geez, open up those ears you idiot...wait, do you even HAVE ears?! i never payed any attention to it! TURN TO THE SIDE!"

neville appeared out of no where, shoving Voldemort aside and walking up to harry.

"YOU SUCK! thbtht."

neville pulled out his wand. and then

**they all died. **(cept for neville cus he's a BAMF.)

_**SCAR.**_

…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…—…

**(1) if you don't know wut BAMF is, tbhtbht. :)**


	2. a tribute to my sister's 17th bday

**i'm not bothering with grammar too much. ;; so, i'm writing a happy birthday story for my sister, and idc if anyone else in the whole goddamn world reads it, as long as she does. :I EXPECT A FULL SUMMARY MISSY: lmao (: ;; so yeah i was thinkin of makin it a _Fosters Home of Imaginary Friends_ story, but i just realized that it's going to be BLOODY HARD to write a melba story with FOSTERS...or at least for me it will be. ;; And anyways, Danny Phantom, or dp xovers are my specialty, so i guess i'm sticking with that ;; GIVE IT A CHANCE BEFORE YOU COMPLETELY STOP READING IT, MELBA!! ;; should i make it a slash? add some lemony freshness? idk. melba is BOTH of that. LMAOO :) (she probably has no idea what slash or lemons are) ;; NO OC'S :shudders: i hate oc's. gjdklsagjdsla ew. ;; ON WITH THE SHOW!! ;; ImostlikelyOWNNOTHING! ;; btw melba: rebecca can be danny, and you can be sam. i don't wanna use the other pairings, because tucker x jazz doesn't suit either of you, you guys aren't smart, and valerie x danny is just plain stupidity. jack x maddie is STRANGE...hm...and vlad x maddie isn't exactly pleasant. :shudders shudders shudders: (she has no idea what's i'm talking about.) what a lloosseerr :anyone notice the irony?: ;; hm. what other pairings have i read? some of the slash ones were valerie x sam, sam x paulina (again with the irony), danny x dash, vlad x danny (EW EW EW EW EW), danny x phantom, even though that wouldn't make any sense, and timmy x cosmo...wait, that's not DP!! THAT'S FOP! stupid butch cartoons. ON WITH THE SHOW! (again) ;; SET AFTER PHANTOM PLANET:melba: eeveryone knows he's a ghost:  
**

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!"

Sam**(melba)** and Danny**(rebecca)** had woken up to a loud scream coming from her boyfriend's father, Jack Fenton, his wife by his side.

Sam had spent the night at the fentons, not wanting to deal with her stuck up, close minded parents and their hatred for Danny **(an tomelba: this is all actually true in the show)**. All they ever did was complain about her relationship with him, and they wanted her to date some rich-ass, stuck up loser. Every week they'd have a party, not inviting any of her real friends, and they'd stuff shallow boys down her throat.

**_Flashback:_**

_"...and this one's name is Peter, and this one's name is Blake, this is Jeremy, and this is Andrew, then comes Drake, Dash--"_

_"EW! Dash, what are you doing here?!"_

_"Uh. i don't know. your parents said that there was free food. is there free food?'_

_"Sure. go away."_

_Sam stomped out of the big hall and walked straight out to the courtyard. __'**Wtf man, Danny saved the world and he still isn't good enough for my stupid parents.**' Sam thought to herself. _

_The air suddenly dropped in temperature, and Sam looked around to see Danny's piercing green eyes reading her mind, and his lips giving her a small smile._

_"Did i make it in time?" Danny asked, his face looking worried "or did you meet some rich, fancy kid with lots of family heirlooms and--"  
_

_"Shut up loser."_

_they snogged. duh!_

**_End Flashback._**

Danny's parents gave Sam some fudge, and she took it happily, watching Mr. and Mrs. Fenton leave the room, leaving the door open for Danny's sister, Jazz to enter the room.

"Hey sam. Happy birthday. Nice to see you all up and not on top of my brother for once."

Sam glared playfully at her. "Oh, you mean like this?"

She sat up on Danny's bed and gave Danny a nice long snog, Jazz just watching and making gagging noises, and Danny laughing inbetween breaths.

"Blech. Lovebirds."

Jazz left and closed the door behind her, accidentally locking it.

The couple looked at eachother, and snogged again.

and again.

and again.

snog snog snog.

It eventually led to something WAY MORE than that **(an to mel&becca: i walked in on you once. that shit wasn't exactly appealing. you bastards.)**

Sam and Danny did not leave that room for school. They said FUCK IT. and then they just didn't go, and they snuck up some of the bacardi "hiding" under Danny's parents bed.  
Obviously, Tucker somehow fitted into this, as if he just popped in out of nowhere because the writer said so, and Tucker x Jazz final-friggin-ly declared their love for each other and so on.

more snogging.

the UPS guy came. **(an: you only understand this if you read "i'm a gangsterrr")**

so, David the UPS guy stood there and watched both couples and smiled pervertedly cus he's just gross like that. Again, Danny went ghost on his ass (again) and kicked him out. David's not sure how, but he ended up at a big furry abominable snowman's house and then froze to death **(an: true dpfans know who i'm talkin bout, right?)**. _Or did he?!_

snog snog snog.

more snogging.

there's a lot of snogging in his story.

--a million hours of snogging and stuff later--

mkay so Danny's parent's got home and they're all wasted and passed out in the living room. The two shrugged and walked downstairs and started experimenting on some more mice and puppies **(an: again, you need to read "i'm a gangster"**) and they managed to make about a million ghost mice, the pricks. they just killed all those little miceys. The two shrugged and stuffed the new ghosts into the ghost zone and they all squeaked and ran to the ghost king's lair and they got squished when a gust of air knocked over the sarcophagus of forever sleep. IT DIDN'T UNLOCK THOUGH. if it did, danny would be like...dead.

--MELBABETTERLIKETHIS--MELBABETTERLIKETHIS--

"So, what do we do now?"

The teens all sat on the couch, listening to their parents blow stuff up in the lab, and watching the Sixth Sense. ("I don't get it, can't EVERYONE see dead people?" Danny said.) :1: Bruce Willis was talking to the little boy. And the little boy was all scared. All of them were cracking up.

"That kid is so wierd!"

"EVERYONE CAN SEE GHOSTS, RIGHT?"

"Shut up all of you."

snog.

They all get up and decide to go to the mall and eat Applebees, and asked the employees to sing a VERY CHEERY happy birthday, which caused sam the goth to go GAG. but she still ate the delicious dessert that came with the song. yum. obviously to destroy this moment of ghost freeness, danny's ghost sense went off, and in came...

...more dots...

"I AM THE BOX GHOST! GIVE ME YOUR CARDBOARD OF DOOM!"

"We don't have any." Danny said. "NOW GIVE ME THOSE OVERALLS YOU SEXY BEAST!"

The box ghost ran away and danny laughed.

snog.

"iii...seeee...dddeeeaadd...peoplee..."

stupid kid. he just got to Applebees, and he's standing there, pointing all over the place. Danny sighed, got up, grabbed his plate, and killed the kid with scorching hot steaks and crispy buttermilk shrimp.

"He's such a retard. NOW WHO WANTS SOME CHINESE?! i'm a gangster...ha."

**finito. very random, i wrote what came to me. it starts off like a story that might have a sequel, until they start snogging _and such_. LAWL so yeah melba you better like it, even if you have to lie through your teeth to admit it. I WORKED SO HARD ON THIS STORY! 5 MINUTES OF PURE, AGONIZING TYPING. lol. so yeah review it anonymously or with a penname. i don't really care. ;; ILY MELBA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! x3, denise.**

**1-i got this from a story that was written by penname: Hidden Author. it's one of the EVOLUTIONS stories, but i'm not sure which one out of the 4, so sorry :)**

**DAVID THE UPS GUY COMES BACK!! i love that guy. he just won't die.**

**mkay so this is done. love peace and chicken grease! ;; skitzofrenic**


	3. i'm a gangsterr

**ssssooooo I'm bored again. hahaha :) guess who's writing a new boredom story! ;; lmao at this moment I'm trying to figure out what to write for chapter 8 of New Beginnings AND chapter 6 of mbfgdps. lawl I HATE WRITER'S BLOCK! ;; and I get it all the time too…haha. so I'm just gunna write about more random stuff that come to my mind :) I probably don't own anything in this story, so bear with me.**

"aaaahhhhh. bored. I'm a gangster"

Danny, Sam, Tucker, and Jazz were sitting in their house unsupervised and very, very bored. they played video games, and even trashed the house, and their parents still hadn't gotten home. they went to some motel or something. I dunno. they even had time to clean the house up.

:smack: Danny smacked sam

"DANNY! why'd you smack me?" sam said

"I got bored. I'm a gangster. haha." danny replied, adding a giggle everytime he said "I'm a gangster"

"I'm a gangster" ha.

"Danny shut up." Tucker said, and he threw a shoe at danny which hit him in the leg.

They all sighed in sync, and tucker coughed.

"I like jazz" tucker said.

"yeah, I like jazz too" jazz said.

"lets go to your room jazz" tucker said

"okay. weeee."

jazz and tucker disappeared at the top of the stairs, leaving Sam alone with a opened-mouthed Danny, who was still in shock about what just happened.

"ARE THEY GONNA GO—"

"I like you danny." Sam interrupted.

"I like you too sam" danny said with a blush.

they stared at eachother for a brief moment, and then started snogging violently, making their way to the stairs. when they realized that walking and snogging didn't work, they just fell on the spot and snogged some more.

snog snog snog. snog.

about 4 hours later, someone barged into the house, and it wasn't someone who owned the place either.

"I AM DAVID! THE UPS GUY! FEAR MY SQUIRRELY WRATH! here's a package." david dropped a package in front of the two teens who had fallen right in front of the door. david just watched. and danny went ghost on his ass and kicked him out.

snog.

Danny and Sam got up and moved to somewhere that no one could see them if they barged in, so they went to the kitchen. yum.

someone else barged in. it was another random person.

"YOU ORDAH CHINEEESE FOO?"

it was dash dressed as a chinese guy trying to get stupid fenturd in trouble. he saw there was no one in the living room, so he went to the kitchen, and dropped the box of worms that were supposed to pass off as noodles. yummy worm noodles!

"AAHH DORKS GONE WILD!"

he ran out of the house pulling of the Chinese looking stuff.

snog.

the couple decided to move to Danny's room, and continued snogging **and such.**

surprisingly, they all stopped. and tucker and jazz did at the same time. they all walked down to the living room and sat down again, being bored.

"I'm a gangster. haha."

snog.

the door opened one more time, and it was the older fentons with 4 dogs on leashes in one hand, and a cage full of white mice in the other.

"LOOK WHAT WE GOT FOR FREE! TEST SUBJECTS!"

"oooooh puppyyyyyy. can I have one? pplleeaassee? I'm a gangster."

"I want a puppy too!"

"me too!"

they all attacked the older hunters, and then ran off, a puppy and mousey in hand.

the older fentons looked at eachother, and started crying about their booboos.

they stood up and wiped their tear filled eyes, and went into the kitchen to make some delicious bacon. yummy bacon. I love bacon.

Maddie sniffed in the air. "does it smell like sex in here?"

"HAHA! NO, IT DOESN'T BECAUSE IF IT DID WE'D KILL OUR KIDS, AND IF WE DID THAT WE'D GET IN TROUBLE WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!"

"oh."

they ate their bacon.

snog.

jazz and danny and sam and tucker all drove down to the bar, and sat at a table. jazz knew the bartender, because she'd go there every time she had a nervous breakdown of learning stuff and stuff.

"4 doubles mr. bartender"

"ARE YOU ALL 18?"

"the drinking age is 21"

"oh"

he walked off, leaving the kids their alcoholic beverages.

when they all got completely wasted, they went to the school because they were bored. oh yeah, it was Monday! oops, they missed half of school.

so they're all in class completely wasted, and when danny, sam, and tucker start laughing in the back of their classrooms, lancer comes up to them.

"what in the name of William Shakespeare is so funny?"

"you-you know wut your p-problum is, youu carre too mush bout the stupid books and learnin and stuff." danny sam and tucker passed out.

jazz waked in

"HEY MR. LANCER, WUZZGOINON? IMBORED!"

she passed out.

mr. lancer examines them, and when he realizes they're wasted, he goes to the bar himself.

"**I AM FOAMY THE SQUIRREL! FACE MY SQUIRRELY WRATH! WHERE IS THAT FAKE SQUIRRELY WRATH UPS GUY! DEATH ON HIS FACE! I WANT SOME BAGELS AND CREAM CHEESE!"**

"you wanna sheeeez?" george lopez came.

"**YES I WANT MY CHEESE AND COFFEE!! WHERE IS GERMAINE! SHE HAS THE CAR KEYS!"**

"…………fivemoreminutes"

"**NNNOOOOOO! So who wants to play solitare?"**

"no."

**mkay that's it cus I'm bored and I think I have an idea :) haha this was funny for me. not as funny as the other but still bboorreedd and funny. haha. foamy rocks. ;; I CAN HEAR THE BELLS! hurrrsprayy lmao REVIEW OR FACE MY SQUIRRELY WRATH:foamy hits me on the head, and I shoot him in the head, but he can't die cus he's not even real: DAMN YOU ALL! ;; skitzofrenic**


	4. a day at the fair

**bbbboooorrreeeedd**

**so I was watching some disneychannel and then I was like COOL because they said something about make your own disneychannel movie and I was making a movie and it was JUMP IN, MOTORCROSSED, HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, and a BUNCH OF OTHER MOVIES that I forgot.**

**stupid kids bop!**

**this is random. very random**

**enjoy! (danny phantom, family guy, harry potter!)**

"DANNY!!" Sam was yelling out to him after he went bunjee jumping. The rope broke and he was falling into the amusement. Luckily for him, a very fat man broke his fall

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"

"ooh is he dead?" a baby asked danny…wait a baby?! Then the fat man stood up "DRAT!"

"Sorry sir, I was bunjee jumping and then the rope broke but luckily you saved my life and—"

"OMG YOU CAN BUNJEE JUMP HERE!! OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD LOIS WE **HAVE** TO GO BUNJEE JUMPING!"

Lois comes into the scene "but peter that kid almost died!"

"I KNOW THAT'S SO FREAKIN COOL!"

the fat man started running to the bunjee jumping thingy when he heard AVADA KEDAVRA, and then he got hit by a flash of green light. he fell, then sat upright "OW! THAT REALLY HURT! OW WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

A boy with icecream named Harry Pothead came on to the scene. "HOW DID YOU SURVIVE THAT FAT MAN? oh wait, you're fat protected you" Harry Pothead walked away skipping happily to the lemonade stand when he was attack by the fat man he tried to kill, only to see that the fat man just wanted his ice cream.

"GIMME THAT THAT'S MY FAVORITE! rum raisin. yum :licks ice cream:

oh dammit. :collapses:"

Harry stared at him for a few seconds, then to the lady, then to the kid, then to the fat man, then to the lady then to the kid, then to the talking dog, then to the baby, then to the kid, then to a rock, then to the broken bunjee jump thing, then to the—

"GET ON WITH IT YOU STUPID NARRATOR! WHAT THE DEUCE DO YOU DO UP THERE ALL DAY? WASTE YOUR TIME THINKING OF THINGS TO MAKE US DO! YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE FAT MAN!"

But I was only trying to—

"NO...NO, NO, NO, NO!!...NO!...NO, NO, NO!!"

The baby ran got a ladder, then climbed out of view, looked for the narrator, and beat him up like he did to Will Ferrell in that episode with the "I'm a clippers fan" quote.

Danny stood there and watched sitting next to some girl who called herself Meg. he was trying desperately to get away, but unfortunately, the girl liked him.

"DARN MY GOOD LOOKS!"

Sam and tucker saw danny being smothered by some girl in a red hat, and sam gets totally jealous and beats her with a bat. "YEAH BITCH! RUN! RUN REALLY FAST!" then sam pounces danny and starts to make out with him, when they hear a CUT! from the backround.

"C'mon danny, what was that, gimme more FEELING in that kiss, ready and ACTION!"

Danny looked confoozled. "uuuuhhhhhhhh who are you"

"IM THE DIRECTOR, DON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA! DO YOU WANT TO GET ANYWHERE IN THIS BUSINESS?"

"uh, butch Hartman?"

"DDDOON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA! AW CUT! YOU RUINED THE WHOLE SCENE! HOW AM I GOING TO WORK WITH THIS?"

Matt Groening and JK Rowling were sitting there, shaking their heads and tsk-tsking Danny. Danny turned into a ghost and blew their heads up. then butch took a gun and shot everyone and himself because he was bored.

THE END!

**bored. blahhhhh funny?**

**idfk review it : grazie **

**skitzofrenic**


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